Life as a Nurse, Part Two

The Ugly Side of Nursing

The Corn Dog Lady


There is truth in the wise words that know one should never say

they have seen it all. As sure as the sun rises, something or someone

is going to come walking in your doors and you will have to say,

Hey, I ‘ve never seen that before! This is one such story that is

as much humorous as it is about the sad way our society treats the

elderly. Now, I have been known to roll up my sleeves and get dirty

in the emergency room, if it needs to be cleaned, well damn it, clean it.

This includes patients too, I have heard other nurses state very honestly,

if you can’t see, can’t reach it, why wash it.


Case in point:


An elderly woman was brought to the emergency room with no

apparent illness or complaint. This is quite common and is known among ER

personnel as the LOLNAD syndrome, which mean, little old lady, no apparent

distress. They usually show up near the weekends when their caretakers are

leaving town and drop grandma or grandpa off at the local ER leaving no

means whatsoever to reach them. On this particular occasion the poor thing

had been terribly ignored by her family and had not seen soap and water

for who knows how long. The smell drove most of the staff away. Once again,

I found myself rolling up my sleeves, gowning, gloving and masking to do the

dirty deed of bathing her. I pleaded with another co-worker to just help me

hold her on her side so I could properly bathe her. Did I forget to tell you

she exceeded the limits of our scales? Desperately I do the math in my head...

600 lb patient, 127 lb nurse equals, I need help! My co-worker reluctantly

agreed. As we went about the business of a total bath, I came across that

thing that you just don’t see every day. Remember, never say you have seen it all!

Between this patient legs and stuck in her diapers was a full, an  uneaten

corndog, complete with a stick! My co-worker saw my surprise, looked down

and promptly vomited. Being a seasoned nurse, I just tossed the offensive

corndoggie aside and finished her bath. I am not sure, but I believe she

was grateful. I will admit that to this day, I have not been able to eat

a corndog.  Emergency medicine isn’t what you see on the TV. It can be sad

and tragic and most nurses don’t last more then seven years. I will always

remember the corndog lady and wish her well. Now, I ask you,

is this just a job, or more likely.... and adventure?