Life as a Nurse, Part one


Some people ask me after so long working the emergency room,

how do I take it, that is how can I do it and not go completely
 
insane. Well, my answer is always the same, with humor. Some
 
professionals call it gallows humor. I just call it making the
 
absurd fit into my realm of thinking.


Case in point:


I was caringfor a beautiful 16-year-old blonde who was in the emergency
 
room with abdominal pain. This young lady was insistent about washing
 
her hands over and over. Good I thought, at least she is clean. Now,
 
part of the exam
 
for any female who presents with abdominal pain is a pelvic exam. I
 
carefully knocked on her door and introduced myself and then went on
 
to explain her treatment plan. I asked her if she had any questions,
 
for which she replied no. The doctor was quick with his exam and we 

collected our usual specimens. After the doctor left, this young lady
 
suddenly sat up and asked, "so, you can tell if I am pregnant with
 
those tests you are doing?" I reflected for a moment, wondering if I
 
had somehow been mistaken and had explained the treatment plan to
 
another patient. Jolting back to reality, I explained that she was
 
not pregnant and I had already been over this with her once. I then
 
thought for a moment and decided to go into mother mode with this young
 
lady. "Are you using protection when you have sex?" I asked? To my
 
surprise and utter dismay, she chirped out, " but of coure, my
 
boyfriend always closes and locks the door when we have sex." OK,
 
I thought, time to go into the stern nurse mode. I sat there and
 
explained why it was important to use protection, and that condoms
 
would protect her from disease. I also very sharply told her that
 
she was in high school with no means to support a new baby should
 
that happen. (The love of her life being a mere 17 years old himself.)
 
I then decided the best approach was to go into street gutter mode.
 
How do you think you catch sexually transmitted  diseases? To my
 
amazement she very proudly stated, "Like you know, from the faucets
 
at school." I now  realized why she insisted on washing her hands so
 
often. I could only leave the room and wonder if the scholars were
 
right, perhaps an IQ test should be mandatory before one procreates.